Sexual Intimacy

Sexual Intimacy

Within marriage, sexual intimacy is a special bond between a husband and wife. There is healthy and unhealthy sexual intimacy characteristics that Laura Brotherson shares in her article “Raising the Bar on Intimate Relationships” that I want to go through. Let’s start with some of the unhealthy characteristics that could be present in a relationship.

First is being uncomfortable, ashamed, critical, or embarrassed with either your body or your partners body. There is no reason to hide these emotions when you can discuss them with your partner or even a counselor. These emotions or thoughts could be just covering up the real issues in the relationship.

Non-sexual affection only as a precursor to sex is also another big issue. This is portrayed a lot in society today especially in media. Also going along with this issue is expecting sex. Having the expectation for sex doesn’t support a real relationship rather it promotes a relationship like cohabitation with the goal of having sex. 

Unrestrained and impulse gratification can also cause issues in a relationship as it shows no control or no regard for a healthy boundary. Performance-based intimacy will only lead to disappointment. 

Being detached mentally and emotionally will have the same effect as the unrestrained relationship in a sense. This can be like being uneducated or even uninformed. Being taught negatively about sexual intimacy can result in false expectations or disappoint in the relationship. 

Having a one-dimensional relationship means that one person in the relationship is not attempting to have a connection with their partner. No mental, emotional, or spiritual connection with their significant other. 

When only one spouse initiates or puts forward the effort to have sexual intimacy this can create feelings on pressure or depression. 

Being self-centered will most definitely hurt the relationship as a healthy relationship requires two people not just one person.

Those are some of the negative characteristics of sexual intimacy and now we can talk about some of the good qualities.

Being accepting, embracing, and comfortable with your body is key to having a good body image and confidence in yourself.

Having affection not tied to sex creates a strong relationship outside of sexual intimacy. It creates an intimate relationship at all times with a strong connection to one another. 

God gave us agency and a close relationship doesn’t change that. Each partner in a relationship should have agency to do as they please within reason. This could be allowing alone time and time with friends. Having agency in a relationship will look different to everyone but having it is a crucial part of a healthy relationship.

Having bridled, restrained, and respectful passion is not only good but can enhance the sexual intimacy of a relationship. Knowing when to and not to engage in sexual activity and how to properly show affection is a great way to show respect to one another.

Having a connection-based relationship creates a strong bond between the two in the relationship. Being present and engaged is also a critical part of having a good relationship. No one likes a space cadet especially in relationships.

Being informed and educated is also great for communication about sensitive matters like sexual intimacy.

Having a multi-dimensional relationship can improve the overall health as well as sexual intimacy. Having the connection between mental, emotional, and spiritual things helps the relationship be something more than just sex.

Being healthy with sexual intimacy requires mutual effort or mutual initiation. Both partners must work together to create a healthy relationship not just one person.

Probably one of the best things to summarize a healthy relationship is mutuality. Being together on everything and becoming one in the relationship.

Transitions in Marriage

Transitions in Marriage

Marriage is a magical experience for many young adults. Little girls dream about their wedding day and getting married and boys dread being tied down! At the end of the day a young couple getting married is one of the highlights of their life. But getting married isn’t as simple as finding the right person and living with them for the rest of your life. It requires lots of big decisions and compromises. Two people from usually very different lifestyles coming together to be married comes with a lot of differences between them.

The differences can come as early as dating. The partner will most likely have varying interests and opinions from hobbies to politics and everything in-between. The couple must decide what they are gong to change to be with one another. Compromise is a part of any relationship even with things like politics. If the couple disagrees on politics, they may need to agree to not discuss them or only discuss certain aspects of politics without affiliating to a political party.

Once these beginning differences are sorted and the couple can still function together then they look towards marriage which once again brings in another transition. This transition is different from the dating phase. With the goal of marriage, the couple needs to better understand one another and determine where they see their relationship going. The roles of boyfriend and girlfriend become the roles of husband and wife. The Family A Proclamation To The World teaches us about these important roles. “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

How well couples can transition to these roles can determine the strength of the relationship early on. The husband and wife work together to create and raise a family. Each person has a different role in the relationship and the family but when they work together, they become a strong family.
Men and women have different transitions as they prepare for and become married. As a man getting married being able to support your wife and future family becomes a huge concern. Living the bachelor life with wasteful spending on hobbies and eating out needs to cease or at least slow down.

A woman needs to prepare to become a wife and future mother. Women have many options when getting married. Different situations warrant different needs for the woman in the relationship. With a struggling couple the wife could go to work to raise more money to help support the couple or family. Another common option for women is to stay home and be homemakers. With couples and families that are well off financially the woman could choose to stay home and take care of the children and home as the husband works to provide for the family.

These transitions are important to the new couple since they can be a huge factor on the health of the relationship and the future the couple has together.

Preparing For Marriage

Preparing For Marriage

Marriage is the starting point to the family. Getting to that point is sometimes a long and difficult road but other times it is simple and rather quick. There are many steps in preparing for marriage and they are different between males and females. For most people preparing for marriage starts with dating and trying to find the right partner. 

For a returned missionary he will start with continuing to be worthy of a temple marriage. He will continue to attend church, read scriptures, and pray. After the initial shock of returning to normal life they will inevitably start dating again. This time they will date with a different purpose.  Now that the individual has had time to mature and learn more about life as an adult marriage is usually the next step. For members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints marrying in the temple to be sealed to a spouse is the ultimate goal. As the individual learns to maintain their spiritual well being they transition to learn how to function temporally again.

Many young adults go to college or a trade school to further their education and to get into a career of their choice. With further education these young adults learn how to manage their finances with the loans they get or the college funds they are given. Buying groceries, paying for auto insurance, and tuition payments are all new to a young adult and life feels overwhelming and quite hectic especially for a returned missionary that hasn't cooked dinner in one and a half to two years. Once this individual has sorted out their spiritual and temporal well being then they are ready to start searching for an eternal companion by dating.

As mentioned in the For the Strength Youth booklet “A date is a planned activity that allows a young man and a young woman to get to know each other better. In cultures where dating is acceptable, it can help you learn and practice social skills, develop friendships, have wholesome fun, and eventually find an eternal companion.” The Savior encourages dating and even marriage. Going on wholesome dates leads us to find the person we want to be eternal companions with. Dating as a youth is different from dating as a young adult. The thought of marriage usually scares youth because commitment and future change with marriage. With young adult’s marriage brings excitement as new possibilities are opened. “As you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high priority. Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you for time and all eternity. Marrying in the temple and creating an eternal family are essential in God’s plan of happiness.” Being married is very important in God’s plan because it unlocks the creation of children as well as the path to the celestial kingdom and exaltation.

The Family A Proclamation to The World states “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” Marriage brings more than just two people together, it creates a whole family and many future generations of happiness.

Sexuality

The Importance of Sexuality

This week my blog post will also be sensitive to many so I hope to once again be careful with the things that I write. I don't intend to offend any with my statements or references but to share my thoughts and beliefs.

Sexuality like gender is an important part of life. Our sexuality determines who we are attracted to, who we want to marry, and who we want to be around. It is a major motivating force that guides our decisions in regards to relationships. 

Long ago sexuality was rarely questioned and there wasn't much to even talk about. Today there are many varied opinions and stances. The most commonly talked about sexuality are straight (a man and a woman) and homosexual ( a man and a man or a woman and a woman). When sexuality wasn't questioned being homosexual was seen as a big negative and looked down upon. Now people openly embrace being homosexual and openly announce being homosexual. Why would society go from being against homosexuals to being in favor of them? Could one way be better than the other or could these differing views have any affect on society?

As the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints stated with its "The Family A Proclamation to The World", "We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife." God councils us that marriage is reserved for a man and a woman. The document goes on to say "THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed." Sexuality goes beyond the preference of a man or a woman it goes deep into the core of a family. God warns us that raising children in a family with a marriage other than a husband and wife would be dangerous. We are counseled that we should honor the sacred nature of procreation and the power that it has within a marriage between a man and a woman. 

I know that this topic is very sensitive and it hails many questions. I served a mission in Colorado and I received many questions as to why God wants us to only marry the other gender. The truth is I don't know why God tells us these things. I do know that God is our loving Heavenly Father and that he wants the best for his children. I know that if we follow God's commandments we will be blessed for it. 

These are my beliefs and I don't share them as facts or as a rule for all to follow. God has given us free agency to choose for ourselves what is good and what is evil. I write these things to give you an insight to what I see as good. Whether you see it as good as well is up to you. I know God loves his children no matter what.

Gender Roles

Gender Roles

The blog post this week will inevitably be more of a sensitive topic for many people so I hope to speak carefully about these things. 

Gender is an essential characteristic of all forms of life. Every creature from dogs, to cows, to humans have gender. God created gender from the very beginning with Adam and Eve. In the year 2020 there are many different opinions regarding the importance of gender and what defines someones gender. There is increasingly more and more support for gender switching operations to alter a persons body in order to appear as a different gender. These actions of switching genders are a very controversial topic in media currently. 

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints a document was released in 1995 stating the importance and sacred nature of Gods children and their divine identity and role. This document was made many years before society started to question gender and to contort gender roles. As a member I believe this document to be written by a prophet and apostles of the savior and inspired by God.

As stated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in The family: A Proclamation To The World, "ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God". This statement explains that genders, male and female are both created before this life. Gender is a part of who we are and from this proclamation we learn that it isn't something that we can just change because we want to.

For many years another concern of gender is having equal rights. More women are entering the workforce. More women are also receiving better education which is helping them be able to have better jobs and higher positions in companies. Although on the surface this seems to be making women equal with men there are still many arguments made. One major issue women have is with the pay gap. A man and a woman in similar positions could be making very different pay checks even if they have nearly identical responsibilities and duties. This issue has been argued and discussed to death so I will move on to another important aspect of gender.

God teaches us that the purpose for men and women is to replenish the earth with offspring and that marriage is to be between a man and a woman. In the Family: A Proclamation To The World it states, "HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations." Although it is more difficult than ever to raise a family it is still part of our purpose. Having many children isn't possible for many families due to finances, health, or many other various situations. No matter what the situation is our purpose is still to multiply and replenish the earth. Not only are we supposed to have children but we are supposed to raise them. God commands us to raise them with good values and strong ethics. What God is asking of us is to create a Christ-centered family despite the wickedness we see today.

The concept of gender and gender roles are not an man-made and are not choices we make but callings we are asked to fill. It is up to us today if we will choose to accept or deny this calling.